Mental changes as an extrovert

Before the pandemic happend I was very active and social with people and my friends. But when I went into shelter in place it felt like a long spring break but I couldn't go out as much, so I didn't want to be active because it was like a break. I did notice the I had gained a few pounds but by the time I had to start school again I had gained at least 30-35 pounds. I felt that I was starting to be self cauncous how I looked but I started to not want to go out when places started to open up and I was more moody. I would make up excuses when my mom would ask me why I didn't want to go out like "I don't like people" or "Im afraid of being snached" or even "I cant protect myself from bullets".

But the truth really was that I worried about what other people thought and not what I was thinking. I wanted to loose weight but nothing I tried worked, I even tried to starve myself but it made me feel worse about myself. So I started to have smaller meals, which did make me loose most of the weight I gained. But I still felt alone, sad, and numb even though I got what I wanted and I hid my sadness behind a smile and a laugh. I didn't want to tell my parents how I felt because they would make me go to therapy, and I say "Make" because I don't want to go. I don't want a random person asking me questions and making me remember how I wasn't worth anything in life. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay and that these feelings would go away. And I started to think about reaching out to someone, but then I started to think about how sad it is the my own family, the people that I loved the most didn't even realize the changes in me. So instead of reaching out I started to spend more time with my family and realize how they bring out the life and happiness in me. I'm still working on getting used to going outside with other people around but eventually I will gain my confidence.