Pandemic Nomad

The day the World Health Organization declared the Corona Virus outbreak a pandemic, I was headed to a friend’s house. I had no clue of how our lives would change. Had no inkling to the heartbreaks that lay ahead. Or how I would become, during this pandemic, more of a nomad than I had ever been.

Two months later, already in complete isolation, assimilating the impact of it all, and adhering to strict protocols, I was displaced from where I lived in the cruelest of ways and times. Complete disillusionment with those I thought loved me. Plumbing issues where I was, exacerbated my conundrum. The fact that it was my birthday month made it all worse. My whole being went into the darkest of caves. My solitude quickly turning into a loneliness that hurt me physically. My birthday found me in a hotel disinfecting everything, being excessively paranoid but being able to shower and cry for two days straight. One release needed as much as the other.

I was saved by friends who I wish will know someday how much their kindness meant and how vital it was to my existence. I moved from the desert to the city. Then from there, to another state. Then back to the city and state I was in when all this started and then finally to yet another part of the country. I have lived many lives, died many deaths, was born again each time. Stayed healthy by divine intervention throughout. I have given up, almost lost my life, and finally recuperated my dignity.

My heart ached for those who have lost family members during this time, whether due to Covid-19, diseases, or natural causes. Regardless of the whys, they have died alone without a hand holding theirs, a person telling them how much they mattered, without the opportunity to reminisce old times, without the warmth of another human next to them aiding them in their passage. It is close human contact that makes us whole.

I have learned much about myself and others. About my behaviors. I have learned how to protect myself. I have learned --reluctantly so-- how to let go. I do not know if the lessons learned will remain with me until I die. I only know that I will try my best to be better, to have my priorities set right. To be grateful for what I have.

As this pandemic heads out agonizingly slow and heads to a “new normal” which I don't find normal at all, the nomad in me has yet to find her home. My journey is not over.