Prefer not to watch

How has September 11th affected my life ? Or maybe it should read “How September 11th has changed my life.” Change the punctuation at the end of a sentence and move one three letter word and you have the personal journey I have been on for the last 20 years.

Shock or Resignation: Of course I was shocked. I remember staring at the TV screen for hours and changing channels knowing good and well the coverage and images were all the same. I remember repeating “No, No, No” over and over again. I will be affected forevermore because to this day I turn away and prefer not to witness the images of that terrible Tuesday. Being resigned to the fact that every day someone commits a dastardly crime against nature and/or humanity does not reduce the shock but the enormity of 9/11 increases the shock.

Anger and Guilt. Of course I was angry. I will never accept any doctrine that advocates violence for anything other than defense. Over the years I have developed a real guilt about how we, as in humanity, have failed miserably to learn how to “ just get along”.

I used to feel safe and insulated from the World. 9/11 has made me feel vulnerable. I used to be confident that the U.S.A. was the “best” Country in the World. Now I think that the margin has shrunk. I just don’t know.

9/11 marked the beginning of a slide to skepticism for me that battles my eternal optimism. I am retired, have a wonderful wife, and woke up on the right side of the dirt this morning. Maybe if I go stick my head in the sand everything else will go away.